It has been on my heart to share our story in hopes of inspiration and proof of God’s existence. I feel our story was written for a purpose, and I am sharing it to be used.
For those of you who don’t know, Brian and I have been together since late 2008, meeting at age 15 & 17. Being young and immature who at that time would’ve thought years later we were going to be committing to spend the rest of our lives together. We had faced many battles not being saved, and still even face battles. But the hardest part was facing them without God. We struggled a lot with sin; being purity, lust, and simply just not knowing how to love each other which caused a lot of hurt and pain. We were blind to the truth, therefore our relationship was failing majorly without us even knowing.
God had a different plan for us in 2012. My background of hearing a lot about God (but not pursuing him) lead me to our local college aged youth group in which where I made the decision to follow and accept Christ as my savior. Brian was then moved and convinced that he needed God, and got saved a few weeks later. Our new chapter then began.
From then until now, a lot of work, time, and love have been invested. Our love began to grow, our minds began to change, and our hearts began to transform. Pursuing God as a couple really made us grow together in ways we never imagined. Because this was a new change for us, we found ourselves stuck in easy habits from our first couple years of dating that we knew were sinful, and deeply hurting each other. It lead us to eventually questioning our relationship and in wonder if God even wanted us to be together.
For a long time we were criticized, bashed, belittled and judged because of our relationship. We were so rocky, being on and off, it was clearly noticeable to others. There were times we even “separated”, took space from each other, went to Christian counseling, etc, until we both realized those weren’t the answers. Honestly Brian was always the one constantly fighting for me, wanting me, and loving me despite us failing majorly and despite me hurting him… I’m glad he did and here’s why:
It took until recent years that we realized we both wanted and needed change, and that we were having these problems because we simply didn’t know how to love each other. Of course in the beginning of our journey following Jesus, we weren’t fully putting our trust in Him individually. Which was causing us to fail. I blamed Brian a lot due to the fact that we were failing since I wasn’t having my needs met, and he wasn’t manning up to a lot. I was so frustrated because I strived so hard to desperately want to have a God centered relationship and do what was right. I then just shut up and became still. I became quiet. I stopped calling him out. I prayed for him constantly and consistently. Because we had God in our hearts, we were then exposed to our behaviors and actions. Eventually the hurt was acknowledged, understood, and pursued.
God kept bringing us together. We kept fighting. Praying. And seeking. He clearly wanted us to be together. The outcome was worth it. That outcome being marriage. No we didn’t have it all figured out nor do I think we ever will, but that is the gift- we knew we had to choose love. We knew we loved each other more than we ever have. So we were committed, we were pursuing, and we were seeking hard. Although dating was a journey itself, we have learned that love isn’t just a feeling, but we learned (and are still learning) how to love each other. Despite all of our change as individuals, everything we’ve been through, we chose and choose to love even when the feelings aren’t there. Despite how much hurt I felt, and how much I wanted to leave, Brian fought for us no matter how mad I made him. He didn’t stop. And that’s how I knew we were meant to be.
I often look back and wonder why we went through all of this. Because if I wasn’t married and being where I’m at now spiritually, I know I would be looking for someone who was stable, consistent, made me a priority, and most importantly had a heart for Jesus. But if we weren’t brought through all of this, we wouldn’t be where we’re at now. We wouldn’t be where we’re at mentally, and spiritually. And because of everything we are able to love each other the most we ever have. God made Brian into all of those things and is continuing to do more through both of us. But because we both fought, and seeked and pushed for God, we were given exactly what we needed. It’s funny how He knows just what we need.
God has blessed me, and us entirely. I wonder why and ask myself why I even deserve this. Why am I constantly being blessed after all the wrong I have done? The answer is this: what kind of God would our God be if he punished us? What kind of God would hold something against you? What kind of God wouldn’t forgive you over and over and over again? God knew my heart. He knew our desire and love for Him. And once we both started seeking that out together, everything just folded together and worked under His will.
Brian is my blessing. Brian is my gift. Being married after going through so much crap, I still love our story. God transforms. God saves. God changes. He pursues you. Let Him bless you.
I share all of this not to give advice, or not for you to compare your relationships with mine, for all of our stories are different- But I share because I believe God writes our stories to share to others, to give you a perspective of how much He can do if you just put your trust in Him. Our relationship has become a living testimony of His word, and proof that He moves, and we will forever praise Him.
Our story is still being written, and I look forward to see what else God is going to do in our lives. Thank you for following our continued journey as one.
Photo by: Jackson Zimmerman