Here is my purpose:
Throughout many life skills and transformations, it has always been my desire to inspire and encourage young women like me. It took me years to get where I’m at spiritually (and still growing), in hopes that many women can find me relatable. I have been given a gift of having an open heart, mind & soul, and I’d like to use that as a purpose to help women find their worth or simply for encouragement. Sometimes we ought to keep things inside as a feel of shame or embarrassment. I am here to tell you that us as women go through many similar things and I believe we are all in this together! It is a trait of mine to openly express feelings, and to speak truth in which my main topics are based on what most of us desire or go through; relationships, marriage, family, emotions, feelings, faith, friends, hormones, needs, wants, and much more. My faith has brought me to where I am today, and I hope my stories and my life, can be found relatable and encouraging to you. Thanks for visiting my page!


First look

A lot of people have been asking me about our first look and what it was like. What gave us the idea in the beginning was saving time for portraits after the ceremony, and getting out those jitters and nerves before the ceremony, (that I always thought I was going to have to worry about but actually was filled with an overload amount of peace all day). It was also really important for us to pray together before our ceremony. Those were our main intents but I don’t think we anticipated the amount of intimacy and emotion it brought to us.
A lot of people worry that if they go through with a first look, it won’t be as special when the the bride walks down the isle and the groom sees her for the first time, and we considered this as well. But let me tell you, the feelings didn’t change one bit. In fact, Brian drew tears as I was walking down the isle approaching him. He definitely choked up for the first look, but not as much as he did when he saw me walk down the isle.

Let me just say both moments were so special and intimate for us in their own special way. And I am so glad we went through with a first look to experience that deep connection and overwhelming feeling of emotion before we officially became husband and wife. Although I already felt an insane amount of peace, praying together really made us feel more connected and rooted.

Seeing my groom with his back towards me from the top of the hill was one of the greatest feelings I’ve ever encountered in my life. My girls were holding my dress up as bugs and leaves were getting in my tulle which I didn’t even care to worry about. When I got to ground level my girls walked away and waited with the rest of the wedding party. My heart was pounding out of my chest as I was walking towards him. My photographer had it planned out that made it so special for us that when I approached my groom, he had me put my hand on his shoulder then have our backs touch.

During that moment I literally physically felt both of our hearts beating together as one and felt such an overwhelming amount of joy and love. 
We turned around and love was poured all over us as. The whole world just stopped. I had no idea what was around me, I had no idea if I felt like it was 100 degrees or below zero, I don’t know if I had any type of itch or if my shoes were giving me blisters and I didn’t even wonder if my hair and makeup was keeping its hold. I was seriously so focused on him, nothing else mattered. How he looked at me for the first time reminds me of how we will see Jesus for the first time. From glory to glory. 
Our ceremony was still intimate for us and our loved ones as they witnessed us putting our unity cross together and praying together. You really could feel God’s presence in that courtyard, and we are so glad everyone got to witness such a deep and special moment between us. 

We are so blessed to have these moments captured by our incredible photographer and videographer. Here is a sneak peak of our wedding video during our first look. Thanks for following our journey!

Photos by: Jackson Zimmerman

Video by: Northern City Productions 

Our story of love

It has been on my heart to share our story in hopes of inspiration and proof of God’s existence. I feel our story was written for a purpose, and I am sharing it to be used. 

For those of you who don’t know, Brian and I have been together since late 2008, meeting at age 15 & 17. Being young and immature who at that time would’ve thought years later we were going to be committing to spend the rest of our lives together. We had faced many battles not being saved, and still even face battles. But the hardest part was facing them without God. We struggled a lot with sin; being purity, lust, and simply just not knowing how to love each other which caused a lot of hurt and pain. We were blind to the truth, therefore our relationship was failing majorly without us even knowing. 

God had a different plan for us in 2012. My background of hearing a lot about God (but not pursuing him) lead me to our local college aged youth group in which where I made the decision to follow and accept Christ as my savior. Brian was then moved and convinced that he needed God, and got saved a few weeks later. Our new chapter then began. 

From then until now, a lot of work, time, and love have been invested. Our love began to grow, our minds began to change, and our hearts began to transform. Pursuing God as a couple really made us grow together in ways we never imagined. Because this was a new change for us, we found ourselves stuck in easy habits from our first couple years of dating that we knew were sinful, and deeply hurting each other. It lead us to eventually questioning our relationship and in wonder if God even wanted us to be together. 

For a long time we were criticized, bashed, belittled and judged because of our relationship. We were so rocky, being on and off, it was clearly noticeable to others. There were times we even “separated”, took space from each other, went to Christian counseling, etc, until we both realized those weren’t the answers. Honestly Brian was always the one constantly fighting for me, wanting me, and loving me despite us failing majorly and despite me hurting him… I’m glad he did and here’s why: 

It took until recent years that we realized we both wanted and needed change, and that we were having these problems because we simply didn’t know how to love each other. Of course in the beginning of our journey following Jesus, we weren’t fully putting our trust in Him individually. Which was causing us to fail. I blamed Brian a lot due to the fact that we were failing since I wasn’t having my needs met, and he wasn’t manning up to a lot. I was so frustrated because I strived so hard to desperately want to have a God centered relationship and do what was right. I then just shut up and became still. I became quiet. I stopped calling him out. I prayed for him constantly and consistently. Because we had God in our hearts, we were then exposed to our behaviors and actions. Eventually the hurt was acknowledged, understood, and pursued.

God kept bringing us together. We kept fighting. Praying. And seeking. He clearly wanted us to be together. The outcome was worth it. That outcome being marriage. No we didn’t have it all figured out nor do I think we ever will, but that is the gift- we knew we had to choose love. We knew we loved each other more than we ever have. So we were committed, we were pursuing, and we were seeking hard. Although dating was a journey itself, we have learned that love isn’t just a feeling, but we learned (and are still learning) how to love each other. Despite all of our change as individuals, everything we’ve been through, we chose and choose to love even when the feelings aren’t there. Despite how much hurt I felt, and how much I wanted to leave, Brian fought for us no matter how mad I made him. He didn’t stop. And that’s how I knew we were meant to be. 

I often look back and wonder why we went through all of this. Because if I wasn’t married and being where I’m at now spiritually, I know I would be looking for someone who was stable, consistent, made me a priority, and most importantly had a heart for Jesus. But if we weren’t brought through all of this, we wouldn’t be where we’re at now. We wouldn’t be where we’re at mentally, and spiritually. And because of everything we are able to love each other the most we ever have. God made Brian into all of those things and is continuing to do more through both of us. But because we both fought, and seeked and pushed for God, we were given exactly what we needed. It’s funny how He knows just what we need. 

God has blessed me, and us entirely. I wonder why and ask myself why I even deserve this. Why am I constantly being blessed after all the wrong I have done? The answer is this: what kind of God would our God be if he punished us? What kind of God would hold something against you? What kind of God wouldn’t forgive you over and over and over again? God knew my heart. He knew our desire and love for Him. And once we both started seeking that out together, everything just folded together and worked under His will. 

Brian is my blessing. Brian is my gift. Being married after going through so much crap, I still love our story. God transforms. God saves. God changes. He pursues you. Let Him bless you. 

I share all of this not to give advice, or not for you to compare your relationships with mine, for all of our stories are different- But I share because I believe God writes our stories to share to others, to give you a perspective of how much He can do if you just put your trust in Him. Our relationship has become a living testimony of His word, and proof that He moves, and we will forever praise Him. 

Our story is still being written, and I look forward to see what else God is going to do in our lives. Thank you for following our continued journey as one. 

Photo by: Jackson Zimmerman

Self worth

What do you feel defines you? A person? A job? Food? Materialistic things? Relationships? The way you look? These things can easily make you, but the truth is no worldly thing defines who you are. 
Believe it or not God knew who you were before you were in your mothers womb (Jeremiah 1:5). And he has a plan for you no matter who you are or where you’re at in life (Jeremiah 29:11). This may be basic knowledge for some but new knowledge for most. 
Once I came to terms with that truth I started seeking it. The more I seeked it the more I believed it. I wanted to believe that God had a plan for me. I wanted to believe that my worth was in Him. But I just couldn’t believe in something that wasn’t in front of me.

Through my teenage years I put my self worth in boys. Every boy I’ve dated defined me. When they broke up with me it was the end of the world for me as if I wanted to crawl in a ditch and die. I would be so depressed that these boys didn’t want to love me and chose to call me names and disown me. I was convinced I was the names I was called. I was convinced I didn’t deserve happiness. The more pain I felt the more I realized something had to change. I was desperate. 

Once I started seeking God, my whole perspective changed. My whole identity changed. My self worth was found in the one I can trust and count on and in someone who is on my side always rooting for me. I knew this became true once I started pursuing a relationship with Him. The truth was revealed when I fully gave my heart to God. My worth was new and actually worthy. 

Make God your constant. You are worthy. You are defined. You were made in His image. 

Act of humbleness 

One day last week I was being super difficult and probably should’ve put more effort in showing appreciation of my husband cleaning out basement. Despite me being hangry and tired, he wanted help, so I helped out of annoyance. I could sense his frustration due to being tired from working in the house on his day off. And I could sense it more once his feelings became verbal due to my entire shoe rack with shoes on them collapsed while he was trying to move it (which by the way is a lot of shoes). My frustration started to become verbal as well and I expressed and stressed how he needed things done as soon as he wants them to be and how he made such a simple tasks into a hard one. I wanted nothing to do with cleaning up 100 pairs of shoes (even though it’s my fault I have that many) due to just walking in the door and wanting to eat, but I did it anyway. We both sat on the basement floor, he’s pairing my shoes with the right match as I’m stacking them back on the rack. We managed to put it back together without complaining or even talking in that matter. Despite the fact that we were both on edge and annoyed with each other, we (well, mainly my husband) managed to humble himself and help me even for the 10 minutes that it took when he could’ve just left me to do it on my own since I was being stubborn. 
Month two of marriage has already been teaching me nothing but humbleness and selflessness. I love how God brings these scenarios upon us as a way of teaching. Stay humble people. Choose to love even when it’s hard to. #workinprogress #marriage #teamwork